Cereal Power Alley Corner
This segment is used to convey the finer points of becoming a cereal sommelier such as myself. It doesn’t happen overnight but with a strong work ethic, lots of free time, and dangerously high metabolism, you too can become a cereal sommelier. Throughout the life of this blog, I will revisit what this means and what things you can work on to continue your path to becoming a Cereal Sommelier.
1. Consumption.
a. Eat at least 2 bowls of a sugar cereal at least once a day for 5 straight years (for best results, eat two bowls of cereal, 2x a day). You must switch up your cereals in order to avoid Cereal Tongue, a chronic medical disease that leaves you with a permanent taste of a certain cereal even when eating a completely different cereal. I narrowly avoided this epidemic—that affects 1 in 67 cereal eaters in the United States that were born in 1984 in Tennessee in a hospital on a Friday night—back in 2003 when I ate Cap N’Crunch for 3 straight months. Which leads me to…
2. Variety
a. You must switch up your cereals at least 3-4x a month (for best results, switch brands i.e. Kellogg’s to General Mills to Quaker Oats to Post). Not only will this combat Cereal Tongue, but it will give you a better idea of what works best for your tastebuds on certain mornings and/or afternoons and/or dinner. I’ve had stretches of cereal eating that have started with Peanut Butter Crunch in the morning, Peanut Butter Crunch for lunch, and Apple Jacks for Dinner (got to get my fruits in at some point). You don’t have to follow this regiment but it is highly recommended.
3. Passion
a. If you are not as passionate about becoming a Cereal Sommelier as fake Sommeliers of wine and beer, then stop. This is not a degree you earn from college. This is a lifestyle that once you start, becomes as much a part of your DNA code as X and Y. Think about that.
There is more to this ideaology that I can certainly write about but the most important aspect of choosing this profession is the personal journey of trials (possible sugar coma) and tribulations (spilt milk) that will make reaching this goal the apex of your short and cereal-filled life.
***If you have any personal anecdotes or a personal cereal sommelier journey to speak about, please reach out to me and I will post your thoughts.***
Wow, you really can find just about anything on the internet. I came across this blog after I ran into some cereal taste problems of my own. As a freshman in college, I ate two bowls of Crunch Berries every day. After 7 months of this routine, I decided to switch over to Cinnamon Toast Crunch one day after I overheard the girls down the hall talking about how much they appreciated CTC breath. As soon as I took my first bite of CTC, I immediately noticed that it tasted exactly like Crunch Berries and I became very confused. "Did they accidentally mix the flavors in the labratory or something?" I wondered to myself. Bite after bite was the same and I ended up eating the entire box right there on the spot, just waiting for the CTC flavor to kick in. But it never did. I went on for months trying different cereals, consulting doctors all over the world. I even visited a hypnotherapist, thinking maybe it was some weird mental condition that I developed as a result of 7 months of Crunch Berries. No one had any answers. No one had any hope. After a long and restless search, I have finally found my answer here today on your blog Joe Thompson...effing Cereal Tongue.
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