Popsicle Rankings, July 2011

Highly Anticipated Popsicle Rankings of July 2011

Summer is hot and so are these fine Popsicle treats that will melt in your mouth and not in your hand (too much)?  You can’t tell me when you were growing up or even now, like my-soon-to-be-diabetic Brother-in-Law, that eating a popsicle wasn’t the funnest of fun eating.  Your mouth instantly turned the color of the popsicle and always gave you an awesome sugar rush.  I have eaten over 185 different brands of popsicles from classics to hybrids (

1.     Fudgsicle

a.     Nothing scared my parents more than these things, which makes me wonder why they ever bought them in the first place.

b.     Classically awesome and delicious.  I can buy a box of 24 today and be done with them in 24 hours. 

c.      The ones with Sugar far outweigh the ones without sugar (for obvious reasons). 

d.     I’m not fat.

2.     Ice Cream Sandwich

a.     Another classic that just gets beat out due to ease of a brainfreeze when you eat them too fast.

b.     The classic is still king (Vanilla Middle) but Chocolate middle variation is very legit (why do I like chocolate so much)?

c.      Old Man Thompson’s personal favorite.  And other old people’s favorite (60+ age bracket) due to ease of eating with your dentures on, I suppose.

3.     Creamsicle

a.     This could have easily held the #1 spot and odds are at 2:1 that it will hold the top spot come August. 

b.     The biggest reason why its #3 is due to my vomit incident of 1996 in which I ate a box and a half in 2 hours.  My stomach couldn’t handle it and up it went.  I still have the awesome taste resonating.

c.      I backtalked my mom when I was 11 when she wouldn’t let me have one of these post-dinner.  Two of my finer childhood moments came at the hands of this delightful delicatessen. 

4.     Open

a.     Not one popsicle has claimed this spot.  Some are worthy but have not truly earned a top 4 distinction.  All you Push-Ups diehards need to chill (pun intended)!  Classic pops flavors such as Cherry, Grape, Orange, and Banana are also strong but they are bit too bland and not up to par to demand  spot.  Astropops were 2/3s good (the white part tasted awful).  Chocolate Éclair and Strawberry Shortcakes by Good Humor were legit and made a strong push but their abundance (only come in 6 packs/12 packs if you buy store brand) has turned me off.

b.     I really miss WWF (not E) Ice Cream Bars

c.      Cyclones and other hybrid freaks from Popsicle brand are automatically ruled out due to similar nature of hybrid Ed Hardy T-shirts.  Simply put, they don’t travel well anywhere.